Becoming a Better Me

Hello everyone!

Well I've had some moments the past couple of months which have made me realise I'm not happy with myself as most people do in life. I'm usually the type of just get on with it and hope that surely the happiness will come, but alas it does not. 

Toby (the BF) keeps telling me if your unhappy about these things why don't you just do something about it as he understandably is getting sick and tired of me moaning on a daily basis about this that and the other.

So what are the issues and how am I to resolve them? Well I shall do a list below and explain how I'm now tackling them.

1. I Think I'm Fat

Now I know a majority of people feel like this so it's nothing new, but I'm not particularly "fat". I just need to tone. I'm hoping to go on a holiday and flounce about in a bikini and Toby's Sisters wedding is coming up this summer so I want to look my best but I always just hope it will miraculously happen. Let me tell you....it doesn't. So my solution is as follows.

• I purchased a pedometer (around £3 off ebay) and make a point to monitor how much I move in a day and I was shocked when I realised that I was doing well below the advised 10,000 steps.
  
  

  

  My steps in 1 day. Walking to work, my long hour walk and walking to pilates.

• With this pedometer I make a point to walk more. I live near a racecourse so I walk up there and do a longer and out of the way route from other people therefore I can easily on this hour or so walk add 9,000 or so steps onto the pedometer.

• I've started pilates classes, and I walk to the class. Now my aunt swears by pilates and is ecstatic I've now joined the bandwagon. I've so far been to 3 classes and it takes a while to understand the muscles you need to use and get into the correct positions, (thanks to the teacher putting you there) but in this last session I felt it alot more in my core but I have a while to go. All you need is a tight clothing so they can see your body position and a yoga mat/towel. I purchased my  yoga mat from Sports Direct  for £6.99 and purposely chose the pink one! It's lightweight and easy to travel with as well.

  

  Yoga Mat

• POLE DANCING! I'm still going and will be having my 1 year anniversary of pole in June. It's amazing how my upper body strength has built from my first class where it hurt to move my arms for a whole week after the first lesson, to me flying upside down and holding on with no hands. I am with a company called The Pole Studio who have amazing teachers and have loads of bases dotted all over Surrey. It was scary going to the first class on my own but you build up such great friendship with the other girls (No men in my class although men can join in too) through a joint hobby and helping each other out. I'd definitely recommend it. Just be prepared for the bruising, the calluses that develop on your hands which in turn make it less painful and the rare skin rip which happened to me in my last class. OUCH!

• Sit ups at home......need I say more. They're boring and sometimes make me feel sick (obviously doing it wrong) but it does work.

• Drink lots of water. I purchased a Bobble Bottle from Argos for £14.99 which has a built in filter so I can fill up with tap water rather than purchasing copious amounts of bottled water. I got 2 extra filters for the price too! I just fill up my bottle and keep it with me throughout the day and it reminds me to drink water all the time.

• Keep an eye on my diet but no real change there. As long as I move more than I did before I should still see results but not as "dramatic" if I were to adjust my diet. 

2. I Hate my Job

I'm a credit controller, which is in a way a debt collector. I chase people who haven't paid bills and send them off to court if they don't. It's not really good for my chi/karma but I fell into the job after being made redundant in my first job and I turned out to be quite good at it. It just sucks being good at something you don't enjoy. Now hates a strong word to use. I don't hate the company I work for as they're really sweet and have given me great opportunities but they have openly said to me "there is no progression here, use us to learn and move on to somewhere better". I value their honesty and as it is such a small finance department with people who have been there for over 10 years and wouldn't shift from this cushy job I have realised I could never make a career out of here so have to think about my next move. So what am I to do

• I spoke to a friend in recruitment and she gave me some fantastic advise as I don't want to be in the finance world as it's just crippling my personality. I need to go into a job agency and discuss it with them. As all my background is finance based, if I were to upload my CV online all I'd get is calls for other finance jobs.

• Figure out what I want to do. Now I thought that an estate agent would be perfect for me. I'd like to have a customer facing job, and as with all estate agents alot of it is commission based and I love a target and a challenge! Another my mum suggested was to be a trainer. In what? I'm not quite sure but I do have alot of confidence to speak in front of others. So that's what I shall do. I will go into my local Reed job agency and get the ball rolling.

• I have updated my CV. I advise anyone who is even happy in their job to add any new skill you develop in your job onto your CV, there is nothing more daunting than sitting down to update it all at once and thinking......."what do I actually do?" Also just a tip from my mum who used to work in HR. Keep it to 2 pages!No one wants to read an essay on your life when they have 30 others to go through. If your first job slips onto a third page reduce the information to the bare minimum and what is only essential. 

3. I Have a Glass Half Empty Attitude

After some shitty times in my life where I was badly bullied, a school drop out and losing my dad doesn't give you the most positive of attitudes. But this attitude has brought me into depression many times and I'm happy to say I've not been on anti-depressants for over a year now and am determined to stay off them! So what to do with this?

• Now the first 2 points will play a great deal in this so I have to persevere with my plans of action with them

• Treat myself every now and then. I'm terrible at spending money on myself as I'm trying to save up for a house deposit but every now and then you have to do it. I've got 2 things I need too treat myself to which I'm aiming to sort by the end of the week. Book a summer holiday with Toby and treat myself to a facial. They might seem trivial treats but trust me, this is a real first for me.

• Talk about my feelings. I'm terrible for bottling up everything so I don't hurt someone else but it never works out right. I usually end up feeling even more miserable and then it will just explode one day into something 100 times worse than if I were to say it in the first place.

• Accept the love and compliments the people you trust most. I'm always a funny one when it comes to compliments as I have this weird thought in the back of my head that they'll turn around and slag off whatever I was complimented on. (eg. Mean Girls when Regina George compliments a girl on her skirt then once her back is turned saying it's the ugliest thing she has ever seen) I think this is due to the days of bullying I had. 
  

I'm hoping that with these 3 points being addressed I will see my mood and view on life improve which everyone has a right to have.

I think the answer to true happiness is being proactive and putting in the effort needed to improve yourself. At 23 it's probably quite a late realisation but as long I have realised it happiness will surely follow.

I hope all of you are happy and if not take the steps no matter how hard to make it so.

Mybs xxx